I always feel so sad for women when I hear the words “I have never had an orgasm.” Or even worse, “I don’t know if I have ever had an orgasm.”  Well, if you don’t know, than the answer is “I have never had an orgasm” because an orgasm is an unmistakable sensation.

Women who go through the stages of arousal and never get to claim the prize at the end feel cheated, frustrated, and dissatisfied.  It’s like walking into a room of free samples of your favorite treats but being told, “Look but don’t touch.” “Touch but don’t taste.” “Okay, okay, taste, but don’t swallow.” Men need to know this is one of the most frustrating things that could happen in bed: to get her all hot and bothered and not help her go all the way.  The tension that builds and never gets released is like never popping the top on expensive bottle of champagne. What a waste.   An orgasm may not be expected all of the time; however, it is desired most of the time.  Yes, sometimes a woman just wants to feel close to her man. But, don’t get it twisted.  She wants to have her cake and eat it too.  We want to feel close and we also want to cum.

It is important that every woman know her own body first and foremost.  You have to know what turns you on. Is it kissing, touching, and rubbing? Touch your body.  That’s right. See how hot the oven can get. This is one time when putting your hand in the oven won’t burn.  Think about the stages of the sexual response cycle.  Arousal is a key ingredient to reaching orgasm.  And if first you don’t succeed, try, try again.  Like learning to cook: it takes practice, practice, and more practice. Don’t forget patience, because this might take a while. And if you get stumped ask a friend for some help. The bullet, pocket rocket, jack rabbit, and dolphin, are all friends of mine.  A good vibrator could be just the tool you need to make your recipe complete.

Speaking of practice, don’t forget to do your Kegel exercises. A lot of people believe that Kegeling is to be done only after childbirth or if you have a bladder problem.  Wrong! Kegel exercises promote sexual health, and can be done solely for that purpose.  During Kegel exercises the man or woman exercises the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle) of the pelvic floor.  The exercises increase blood flow to the genital area. Blood flow plays an important role in arousal, and arousal plays an important role in orgasms. How do you do Kegels?

Snack:  Kegel Exercises: A how to-guide for women (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2010) 

Find the right muscles. To make sure you know how to contract your pelvic floor muscles, try to stop the flow of urine while you’re going to the bathroom. If you succeed, you’ve got the basic move. Or try another technique: Insert a finger inside your vagina and try to squeeze the surrounding muscles. You should be able to feel your vagina tighten and your pelvic floor move upward. Then relax your muscles and feel your pelvic floor move down to the starting position. As your muscles become stronger — and you become more experienced with the exercises — this movement will be more pronounced. But don’t make a habit of starting and stopping your urine stream. Doing Kegel exercises with a full bladder or while emptying your bladder can actually weaken the muscles. It can also lead to incomplete emptying of the bladder, which increases your risk of a urinary tract infection.

Once you’ve identified your pelvic floor muscles, empty your bladder and sit or lie down. Then, contract your pelvic floor muscles.  Hold the contraction for three seconds then relax for three seconds. Repeat 10 times. Once you’ve perfected three-second muscle contractions, try it for four seconds at a time, alternating muscle contractions with a four-second rest period. Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions.

To get the maximum benefit, focus on tightening only your pelvic floor muscles or isolating your pelvic floor muscles. Be careful not to flex the muscles in your abdomen, thighs or buttocks. Also, try not to hold your breath. Just relax, breathe freely and focus on tightening the muscles around your vagina and rectum. Perform a set of 10 Kegel exercises three times a day. The exercises will get easier the more often you do them. You might make a practice of fitting in a set every time you do a routine task, such as checking e-mail or commuting to work.

I cannot stress how important concentration is when it comes to cumming.  Ladies, stop thinking about what’s for dinner.  At the moment, you are what’s cooking!  No matter the technique, make sure he keeps it nice and wet.  The moisture keeps things from going from pleasurable to painful.  No matter the tool: hand, tongue, toy, tip of the dick, or every inch of it, use rhythmic stokes. And once you have hit the spot, don’t stop, don’t stop…

Developing the ability to achieve orgasm can be a little frustrating and may even provoke anxiety. Just stick with it. Somewhere down the road there is this great feeling.  And once you have mastered it, you can teach any man how to turn you on and turn you out.

You might find yourself feeling satisfied like this next married woman, who gives us a savory soliloquy from her wedding night.  She had food on the brain as she shared her recipe, which involved, “Partaking in oral and vaginal sex throughout the night with multiple orgasms with a distinction between appetizer, main course, and dessert.” Sounds like she had something delectable to distinguish between her courses.  A lick here, some dick there, and love everywhere. She believes that her experience was enhanced by the taste of “love”, and that “it was more special because it was [her] wedding night.” And those multiple orgasms were like tasting “…ecstasy, the best a person can have with true love”.