I have never been big on meditation, probably because I am too busy to sit still. However, I have always understood the value of awareness. Maybe mindfulness is the perfect compromise. If you are even slightly aware then you have seen or heard about mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of being present. It is about the here and now. Mindfulness shifts the focus from doing to being.

The current pace of life today rarely allows for us to really experience the present. Too often people are trying to figure out what comes next. Today many things come to us quickly and easily. We can obtain many of our desires by a simple swipe, click, or tap. Just as quickly as we obtain things, we are ready to move on to the next one. Easy come. Easy go. This immediate gratification and subsequent moving on affects our ability to fully experience and savor our life experiences. I find myself wondering how this impacts our experience and expressions of sexuality.

In order to fully experience and express our sexuality we must be present. That is, we must be capable of experiencing through the senses of touch, sight, smell, taste, and sound. Furthermore, through mindfulness we are able to acknowledge and accept our thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. If awareness is the primary ingredient of mindfulness, then acceptance is the second. Mindfulness is awareness without judgement. Together these tools create a powerful team to support sexual health. Mix in some deep breathing and you are well on your way to “being”. Perhaps being more present is the answer to questions regarding sexual problems. Sex is not a performance.

Sexuality is likely one of the most judged acts that people practice. We judge when we do it, how we do it, with whom it is done, if you have not done it, if you do it too much, why it is done, and why it is not. The removal of judgement is essential to acceptance.

Some of the most common problems in sexuality may be connected to a lack of awareness and a lack of acceptance. For women this is hypo-sexual desire and hypo-sexual arousal which are commonly accompanied by anorgasmia. For men this manifest as premature ejaculation and/or erectile dysfunction. The desire to perform only perpetuates the problems. Let’s remove performance from the recipe and sprinkle in presence.

If you were told that a regular practice of mindfulness could improve your sex life would you slow down, tune into yourself, turn down the noise, focus on the here and now, and just breathe?

My goal today is to point you towards some resources that may assist you in getting in touch with your body and your breath to support your sexual health. One resource that I have found helpful is Between Us Clinic. Click the link below to access their programs on mindfulness and sexuality.