In history the Middle Age is a period characterized by the fall of a great empire, merging of ideologies,  and an age of discovery.  I believe it is a fitting way to capture the experience of living as a middle aged person.  A few years ago my mother in-law told me that I was in the “prime” of my life. At first I didn’t quit get it.  However, as the years continue to pass by, I am fully awake.  Now this is one of the little nuggets of truth that I have held on to tightly.  She was telling me that I won’t get any younger, that my body will start to ache and have limits, that time and energy are at a premium, that tomorrow is not promised, so make the best of today.


The fall. As we age so does our body and our intimate body parts.  This means different things for men and women. Problems getting an erection and vaginal dryness are common.  Yet people don’t want to talk about this reality of aging. You can’t improve what you don’t acknowledge.  Maintaining overall health is essential to sexual health. This includes getting adequate sleep, proper nutrition, and exercise. Keeping the body sexually active is also particularly important. One of my favorite sayings, “If you don’t use it, you lose it”.  Consistent sexual activity promotes sexual health by sending the body through the sexual response cycle regularly.

I have the great fortune of being married, but I know that there are many middle agers who are without a partner.  I couldn’t image being out there again, trying to find someone to love, or even just looking for pleasure.  I hear from my peers often about the perils of single life.  People are dishonest and only want to play games. Men just want sex or women want to get serious too fast. Can you believe grown folks are still contracting sexually transmitted infections? By the middle age, you should know better and do better.  Yes, it can happen to you too. Safety always comes first.

Things have changed in the world of dating.  The middle aged might be out there trying to hold on to the carefree fantasies of youth. However, I wouldn’t recommend it. I support playful and uninhibited sexuality. As a matter of fact, I think we can learn a thing or two from our youth. They seek immediate gratification, experiment with new things, and don’t waste time. These ingredients can facilitate sexual pleasure.  Just be smart about it. Don’t let your midlife crisis turn into an end life crisis.

With at least 50% of marriages ending in divorce, there are a lot of single middle agers. Yeah of course there are the na sayers who don’t need a man or woman. But the majority of the people I come across at this time of life are looking for that special someone.  No, it doesn’t have to be marriage. However, most people desire to have something meaningful.

Here is the merge.  It’s nice to have someone to share your life with and even more to the point your bed.  Sex in the middle age is different.  It lacks the excitement and limerence of youth.  It is hurried, deliberate, and consistent.  This is not to say that it is bad.  It is just different. In middle age our lives are full of rules and responsibility. Perhaps this is why so many middle agers are throwing caution to the wind as they explore their curiosity.  They sometimes take unnecessary risk, choose risky partners, and exhibit risky behaviors while desperately trying to fill the void of that missing loved one or that longed for touch.  You don’t have to spare safety for pleasure. You can still have all that you desire. Yet creativity may be necessary.  I strongly encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone. Try new things!

I have said this countless times, if there are kids in the mix, then sex gets even more complicated. Finding the time and energy can be a serious obstacle.  This is one of the many reasons that sex is hurried, deliberate, and consistent.  It often has to be penciled in between homework, errands, dinner, conference calls, and the bedtime ritual. As a result of the constant go, go, go, and wash, rinse, repeat in our cycle of life, sex becomes a part of the routine.

Well if this is the prime of my life, it is important that I make the time to create as much pleasure as possible.  You should do the same. This starts with personal pleasure. By this time you should be well acquainted with your body and its’ desires. If you are not, make the time to figure it out today. Self pleasuring (masturbation) can be a great way to ease the stress and monotony of a busy day. It also has the added benefit of filling the gap when your partner is unavailable. Thus keeping your body sexually active.This is not to say that self-pleasuring should only be done alone.  Invite your partner in and let them see how you gratify yourself.  This could be the prelude to something slow, spontaneous, and new.

After all, this is one of the challenges of middle age-recreating the passion and persistence of our youth. Do you remember making love all night long?  Who has time for that when the alarm will be buzzing at 5:30 am?   Well if this is the prime of your life, you do.  Lovemaking doesn’t always have to be a major production. However, you can take the time to set the mood and play. You can take a nap later.

Unfortunately, lazy love making can become the norm in the middle age. Take a break from the norm. Dance for your partner’s pleasure. Have a but naked picnic in the living room. If you need help with your erection or vaginal dryness seek professional advice.  Don’t be ashamed to talk about the natural changes of life. Talk openly about physical and emotional changes that affect your sexuality. Middle age does not have to be the dark age-full of calamity, plague, and war.

Instead, it can be a time of discovery. Explore your fantasies, share your desires, buy some toys, change the position. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want! Find pleasure in the little things.  Touch, kiss, caress. Seduce, submit, devour. Time is ticking…